Is it worth it?

Boy oh boy! I have been postponing this post! For so many reasons…. Procrastination, finding it hard to decide on a topic. Anyway, finally decided on one and I am in the mood to use my fingers as my tummy hurts. (Yeah, thanks in advance for your sympathy). Sorry to all those who have actually been waiting for this. I just didn’t want to bore you with a boring piece so I hope this is actually worth the wait.

So, the business of the day, Is it worth it? You might be wondering what exactly is worth it or not. I’m talking about life and the things that happen around us. That mediocre love, is it worth it? That grudge, is it worth it? That anger, is it worth it? Holding on to pain, is it worth it?

In my twenty-something years on earth, I have learnt and I am still learning that nothing is worth stealing your joy. Nothing is worth years of regret and pain. Not everything is worth settling for. That’s not why Jesus died. He died so you could live a life of joy. How can you have joy when you’re holding grudges, hurting people, living in sin, settling for less than you deserve? We have to learn how to pick our battles and ensure that it is worth fighting for.

I have come to discover that we all hold on to something. Something that keeps us from fully being ourselves, something that robs us of our joy. It could be pain, guilt, regrets? That act you feel so bad for not doing or doing? That help you refused to render? That man or woman you shouldn’t have loved? That big loss that makes you seek closure so bad? Over and over again, these situations drag us backwards and prevent us from moving forward!

I was reading a book the other day and the phrase caught my attention: “That at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what is happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s biggest lie.”. I couldn’t agree more. We choose to determine what influences us, not fate. Situations will definitely occur but our reaction to the things that happen around us make all the difference. When you brood over disappointments and pain for a long period of time and you fail to move on, then you blame it on fate! We all have to take control of our emotions and move on as life keeps moving on, never waiting for us to catch up.

Let me tell you something dear friend! Live for the moment but live meaningfully. We are only managers here on earth and nothing is really ours. This is why I am re-iterating my question- Is it worth it? No! Each day is a new gift! Forget about yesterday! Live for today! Don’t get me wrong, we could pick up bits and pieces of our past to prepare and mold us for a better future but that should be it! No holding back!  Love again, again and again no matter how many times you get hurt, get back up no matter how many times you have failed, find something new about today! There’s always something new. No matter the situation you find yourself in, the only question you should always ask yourself first is “IS IT WORTH IT?”. I promise you, the answer is what you choose to make of it. *wink*

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It’s all about ME! Yes! Me.

Hey Fans, Lol. I’m joking! Hello People! How have you been? Hope you’re having a great week? Mine has been awesome. I’m awake, healthy, walking with my two legs, typing with both hands, seeing with my eyes, chewing properly and I am happy as well. Happy Thanksgiving to my American Lovers. (Yes, I’m celebrating Thanksgiving). Though I believe this should be an everyday thing. There is so so much to be thankful for.

It’s been so long since I posted and No, I wasn’t having “Writer’s block”. Apparently, I have so many things to write about and it’s so difficult picking a particular topic. So I have been procrastinating but since I’m so bored, I have decided to just write based on how I feel at the moment. Each time I feel a certain type of way, I’m just going to post what’s on my mind. At least you have an idea of what  goes on in this tiny head of mine (I’m sure you all can relate).

Yeah! The business of the day… It’s all about ME. Have you ever sat down to consider the fact that you live your life based on others’ opinions about you? You validate yourself with other people’s opinions? You find out that you are comparing yourself to others doing better than you in various aspects of life and start feeling depressed because you feel you’re not doing the right thing.

“After all, is it not my mate that is doing bla!bla!bla!bla! Why am I not doing the same? I’m just wasting away!”.

Social media even makes it harder. For women, you go on Instagram and start going through people’s pages. You find your mates getting married, having babies, running successful businesses, going to the gym which is the in-thing these days and gbam! You start to re-evaluate your life. Lol. You’re so distracted and lost in other people’s lives that it takes social media or someone else’s life to re- evaluate yours. I’m sure even guys face this problem. You see your friend doing way better than you. Running a conglomerate and there you go!

“Are we not agemates? Wyd?”.

Lol. Funny but true. However, I’m sure there are some people out there who don’t dwell on such things and if you are one of them, Congrats!!! I admire you! For real!

I am pleased to tell those of you who fall under the 1st category that IT IS NOT HEALTHY! STOP IIIIT!!!! You do not need validation from anyone and I’m also talking to myself here. The only opinion that should matter is God’s and yours. Love yourself.images-1

Make it all about you! I am not saying going through Instagram feeds is a bad thing.  It’s not. It’s interesting. It even gives one incentives and brilliant ideas sometimes. It becomes a problem the moment you let other people’s lives become your standard. You start to think you’re not good enough, you’re not skinny enough, you’re not pretty or handsome enough, you’re not successful enough. Your goals for yourself shouldn’t be as a result of what you have seen in others. Don’t get me wrong, we all should have mentors, people we look up to in a healthy way. Self-development and growth should start from You. You should want to be better because of you! You should want to discover yourself because of You. Every time you get the opportunity, appreciate yourself. Tell you how much you love you. Only when you love yourself will you be able to love others. Love yourself for who you truly are. Be the best version of yourself! Go to the gym because YOU WANT TO LOOK BETTER AND BE FIT! Get married when you have found your purpose for marriage and you’re truly happy within. Be motivated because you want to touch lives and be a blessing to others. Be great because you want to influence others in a positive way and make them understand that it all emanates from loving and appreciating yourself. Do whatever you want because you want to do it!        images

Not because you want to make A Jealous or you want to get B’s approval. Because the truth is, if you don’t get the approval you seek, your self -esteem will take a down turn. You will be so confused because different people will have different expectations and I don’t understand how you’ll be happy meeting those expectations that really do not make you happy within. In everything you do, you should realize you have a purpose and that should be your ultimate goal. Fulfilling it, because only then will you be truly happy.1b9aeffa64838367dcf1333e432e7b89

I am taking my own advice as I write and making it all about me. I will thank God for approving me. I will thank God for being proud of me. scr208-g-02Every day, I will put on the breastplate of God’s approval, despite my shortcomings. I will be happy with who I am. I will not allow condemnation from others to destroy my destiny. I will shake off the feeling of guilt and disapproval from people. I suggest you do the same!

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I hope I have been able to touch someone with this message today. You’ll hear from me again shortly. Hugs!

Xoxo

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♥Shubby.♥

Is something wrong with me??

Hey Friends,

I’m here with a new post. I really hope you guys enjoyed the last one. And for those who haven’t read that, just do so before reading this piece, just so you can identify with me (I’m just joking. But please, read it and share with someone. PLEASE) Emphasis added.

Now the subject matter for today! Is something wrong with me????? This post is a special for the ladies. Single ladies to be precise!  I already had this topic in mind but a conversation I had with a friend on Sunday confirmed my thoughts! Like yeah! “Subomi, you really need to talk about this”. Anyway, that’s that. Before I continue ranting, I ask yet again – “What’s wrong with me?” My friends actually think I have a problem because I’m single (My friends who are in relationships to be precise! I still love you guys though). “You’re too picky! You’re not serious! You still think you’re young! You’re getting old! Lower your standards! You’re too tough on guys! You’re this! You’re that!” This is what I get whenever I talk about a failed relationship of mine or a potential guy I’ve refused to date. Society just presumes I am the problem! So is there something really wrong with me??? (For clarity’s sake, society refers to my friends and my mom)

“Why am I single?” (I actually got a book with this title about 2 weeks ago, out of curiosity and just to make sure there’s actually something wrong with me!) But don’t blame me for thinking at times if there’s actually something wrong with my relationship life! Just yesterday morning, my mother was telling me that my father called her to inquire when I would introduce ‘intended fiancé” to the family! I’m like – “Hello, which fiancé? If he really wants me to get married, he should bring the right man for me”

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The Right Man

What is the right man? We all have our definition of an ideal man? “Tall, dark, Handsome, Smart, can dress well… the list is endless”. But what is your scale of preference? If you had to make a list in order of importance, which would come first?

My list 5 years ago:

  1. Tall
  2. Dark
  3. Handsome
  4. Good sense of humor
  5. Can dress well
  6. Good diction
  7. Proper hygiene
  8. Neat
  9. Must have good fashion sense
  10. Smarter than a 5th Grader
  11. Rich

 

But over time and with God’s help, MY IDEA OF WHO A RIGHT MAN IS:

  1. Must love God with all his heart, mind and soul.
  2. The bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh.

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Sounds funny right? From a long list to just 2! 2 critical and important features that WILL DEFINITELY TAKE CARE OF THE REST.

But where will I find such a guy!? We’ve all heard that men are few so does that mean I should just settle for one? Before I stay single and unmarried at 40!

In this society we live in, finding a man with these 2 qualities is not as easy as  it seems. It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack! Or so they believe! A man who loves God will all his heart, soul and mind will struggle to do right by the Word. I mean! I have little to worry about- like my man coming home drunk, beating me, smoking his lungs out, disrespecting me, and CHEATING! That’s the most common problem we hear of today!

The typical Nigerian young woman has already zeroed her mind to the fact that ALL MEN CHEAT. I feel like I’m in utopia when I argue that men who love God with all their hearts, mind, and soul will fight so hard to please God and the issue of cheating will not arise. There’s a difference between being tempted and actually falling for temptation. A good man is one who’ll struggle to fight temptation when faced with one. But no, they think I’m crazy and naïve for thinking this way. “Even Pastors cheat! So what are you talking about?” I really have this confused look on my face and wish I could open their skulls and let them know that one can’t judge everyone because of one person’s bad behavior.

 

With this “typical’ ideology, women decide to accept all forms of disrespect from men, giving excuses for their behavior, accepting that cheating is an innate character of man! I disagree completely! And I can’t lower my standards, I can’t understand why I should accept what is unacceptable, I can’t relate with that sort of disrespect! I just can’t! and if this is why I’ll be single for the rest of my life, so be it. I really don’t know why I should accept such mediocrity.

 

It’s actually sad that many women are actually accepting same! This is where the term “side chic” becomes acceptable!  I mean, some women actually don’t mind being second best! They have it in their heads that the guy might pick them! Some would even say “As long as he doesn’t let me know he’s cheating/ I don’t catch him in the act. We’re good” I really find this totally hilarious! Like who came up with such a delusional ideology! If we think about it, how many men would accept being second best? How many men would accept their women cheating? None! So why should women accept it?2012-10-19-desperate_hand

 

Not accepting mediocrity doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be submissive nor love your man. Being strong willed doesn’t make you want to play the role of a man. It just means you have placed a high value on yourself and accepted that you shouldn’t be treated less than a certain standard!

 

“I’m not really trying to be a ‘feminist’ or what not! I’m just being realistic and I know my worth and value. I can’t be second fiddle. I can’t be second best. I have to be the one and only!”

 

Some of you would disagree and say “I hope she eventually finds a man who’ll fulfill all these criteria”. Lol. I hope so too! But really women! Common….we can do better. It all starts with one woman being able to say ‘I can’t tolerate this!”. You shouldn’t!

 

“I really could go on and on! But I know we all have a short attention span!”

 

And MEN! If you don’t cheat, you won’t die! Get closer to God. Love Him more than anything in the world, you’ll find that your weaknesses will be made perfect in His Strength!

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But hey! What do I know!?…Right?

 

Purpose?What does that even mean?!

 

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“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it”- Gautama Buddha

Hi Friends! So I finally stopped procrastinating and got right down to it! I have so many ideas and thoughts in my head and the problem is where to dump them all.

Firstly,  I thought about making podcasts( which I’ll still get to by the way) but yeah… We all know what procrastinating is like; so I’ve put that project on pause till I’m able to stop giving excuses and get to it just like writing this post.
Sigh! I won’t even lie to you, before I was able to finally type anything, I had so many things running through my head:

 ‘ I know what I want to write about but what if I get stuck?!, what if I’m not able to pass the right messages across?, I’m sure so many people have written about the numerous topics I have in mind( I mean, Subomi, c’mon! You can’t be the only one who’s a deep thinker? What’s going to set your blog apart from others? ‘

But then, I remembered Mark 9:23!

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Which is why I’m going to act in faith and let the Holy Spirit take control of my thoughts (some of you would be skeptical about this but that’s a topic for another day) and how I express them to you, my darling readers.

Now, to the business of the day. Since it’s my first post, I’m going to tell you where the name of my blog originated from.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with a lot of things but the one that inspired me to actually start writing is finding my purpose on earth. I’m 100% sure that I’m not the only one struggling with these thoughts.  Countless times, I’ve found myself asking God “what is my purpose on earth? How do you intend to use me for your works? Why don’t I feel fulfilled? What is missing?  Lord, answer my questions. Show me what I’m supposed to be doing. Tell me how to start; Tell me where to start;Use me as you will.”

Now, for anyone of you that’s got it all figured out and know exactly it is you’re supposed to be doing and are completely sure that you’re where God needs you to be. Oh my! Am I glad for you! I can’t wait to be in your shoes and have my life completely figured out. That certainty is EVERYTHING.

I know some of you will say “Nothing is a coincidence with God” and I completely agree with this philosophy. HOWEVER,when we fail to listen to Him, we miss a step and that might alter the plan a little bit,till we are able to find our way back to Him again.

Amidst all these, I still have not defined PURPOSE! (What kind of blogger am I?! Sigh) The word originated from the Anglo French ‘Purposer’ which is “to design “. Oxford Dictionary defines it as ” the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists”. (Now you see why I’m so troubled that I haven’t discovered what I’m truly on earth for) .

According to Isaiah 43:7 – ” Everyone who is called by my Name , And whom I have created for My glory,Whom I have formed and even whom I have made”. This answers the question to the reason for our sole existence: Praise God, Worship Him,Proclaim His Greatness and accomplish His Will. When we trust in God, who works all things after the counsel of His will(Ephesians 1:11) , then we should be able to live a meaningful life.

That scripture is the answer to the question I’ve been asking myself. The scripture has stated it out plainly in ‘1 Corinthians 10:31 which states ” …whatever you do,do all to the glory of God” . Whatever walks of life we find ourselves in, the main aim is to glorify God. If you’re  a Lawyer like me, a doctor, a mechanic, a trader, a housewife, a mother, an accountant, a receptionist, bring glory to God . Take a step! Do something, and let God do the rest!

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In doing these things, we discover our true purpose. We discover who we really are . By serving others, we live a meaningful life and reach that level of fulfillment. I’m not saying it’s easy which is why I’m still struggling with this but the first step is knowing what to do which the scriptures clearly reveal. Battles will come in every form, we may be tempted to give up, And since we know we can’t do it alone, join me in this short prayer:

” Dear Father, my Creator. Help me to live according to Your Word. Help me to glorify Your name. Give me the strength to love others and live a meaningful life. A Life you have set out for me. I believe you will help me overcome all forms of battle I will face along the way because I’ve surrendered myself to you. Thank you Lord for answering my prayers. Amen”

Our purpose is not for our own glory, thus we shouldn’t simply do the right thing just for goodness’ sake!

P.S- Remember when i said I’m acting in faith and letting the Holy Spirit take control of my thoughts? That’s exactly what happened! because if i had figured all this out before writing, there would be no need for this post! I do hope I have been able to touch someone with this!